The Little Sister Effect
The Little Sister Effect
My jaw hit the floor when Catherine O’Hara, comedic genius, said she used to tell her ideas to Dave Thomas so he could pitch them to their SCTV group instead of her. Catherine O’Hara?! One of the most innovative performers we have, had as much trouble getting ideas out in a meeting as a lot women have?! She was on a podcast, telling this to Julia Louis-Dreyfus, a similarly remarkable comedic mind, who then shared that she, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, still, after decades of comedic accomplishments, has to push herself to pitch her ideas. These are two of the greats. Both of them came up in groups where they were often one of two women in groups of men and surprise, surprise, experienced the same sort of difficulties many women have encountered. In these ensembles where the competition was for the funniest bit, the most effective laugh, they managed to succeed but it sounds like it was not easy. It sounds like they experienced a lot of something I’ve come to call The Little Sister Effect.
Now, I didn’t grow up with any older siblings. I fully expected to be listened to when I spoke and was always shocked when I wasn’t. I spoke up first in class and had no hesitation about making a joke or pitching an idea.
But, as time has gone and I’ve seen inside more families, I have noticed a dynamic, a trend, with older siblings and little sisters, particularly when it comes to jokes. Big brothers, particularly, learn how to stonewall little sisters’ jokes. The effect is to make little sisters feel stupid, feel like they’re not funny, that they don’t get it.
I’ve also seen how purposeful it can be — how an older sibling sets out to shut down the younger, how determined they can be to not laugh, to not enjoy a younger sister’s attempt to contribute to banter. I’ve learned from Caitlin Moran’s book on men that banter is a key element to forming a sense of self for boys — and excluding girls from that banter is part of it.
I’m sure there are exceptions. I’m sure there are some big brothers who find their little sisters hilarious and support their attempts to make them laugh — but I imagine those are the exceptions, rather than the rule. Generally, little sisters are meant to be the butt of the joke, not an equal participant in the banter. I see it happening with children now, and my heart goes out to those little sisters who never get any laughs, except for the ones at their expense.
This energy is why I imagine Catherine O’Hara felt she had to ask Dave Thomas to share her ideas. I suspect that she wasn’t unreasonably fearful. I suspect that she knew, probably from having BEEN a little sister, that if an idea came from her, it would most likely be shut down from the get go. By giving her ideas to a man, she got her ideas out without the resistance. And I imagine, as the sixth of seven children, she learned to do this from an early age. I suspect that her training as a little sister might have contributed to her ability to find success in such a tough, male dominated business.
I have some friends who were little sisters of brothers and I have noticed that they are particularly adept at navigating macho environments. I have envied them this ability as I definitely do not have it. I find that when I notice I am being treated like a little sister rather than an equal, I get furious. It will trigger me faster than a great many other things. I suspect that if I’d been more adept at navigating this particular trend, I might have been able to push my way into more spaces. But unfortunately I don’t think I’d have been able to stomach telling a man my ideas, just to get them heard.
I see the advantages of having been raised with little sister energy — but I wish women like Catherine O’Hara could have just come out of the gate swinging instead of having to use all these adaptive techniques to deal with the automatic shut downs. I wish for the little sisters of the future to feel as funny and welcome as their funny older siblings. I do think it’s shifting. We have a lot more women’s comedy groups than we used to but I think the trend persists and I’d love to see it disappear entirely. I’d like to have younger women or girls read this and go, “I don’t know what this woman is talking about! No one’s ever treated me like an annoying little sister!”
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Originally published at http://artiststruggle.wordpress.com on December 16, 2024.
