I Am a Dragon Now. The Fear of Men Is My Food.
I Am a Dragon Now. The Fear of Men Is My Food.
September 28, 2018, 11:32 pm
Filed under: feminism, resistance | Tags: #BelieveSurvivors, #cancelKavanagh, #NotAllMen, #YesAllWomen, Being Nice, dragon, fear, fire breathing, fury, privilege, rage, smiling
I am nice. I am so nice. My whole life I have been told I am nice. When I received criticism, it was that I was too nice. And not just once either. Over and over and over again. “You’re too nice!” they’d say.
But that’s over. It’s over. I am a dragon now. Tell me I’m too nice again.
*
It didn’t have to be this way. The arc of the universe could have bent toward justice a little sooner and I would have remained as I was. I could have stayed that person who wrote sweet plays that mostly worked out in the end — you know the kind, the ones where smart women hook up with slightly dorky temporarily clueless men and everyone’s happy. You could have had more of those plays. You could have had love songs and dream novels and light sparkling in the trees. I would have happily smiled my way through the rest of my life. I would have looked past a lot of bad behavior to have a seat at the table. But you didn’t give me a seat at the table so I brought a folding chair, as the great Shirley Chisholm advised. But now I am a dragon and every chair and the table will be burnt to the ground.
Yesterday a man sat at my table when there was plenty of other space at the café. He could not tell I was a dragon. He chewed his ice loudly and ostentatiously, oblivious of the fire and fury so close to him. He was not afraid. I was hungry. So I ate him.
Going up the subway stairs, I was behind a man. I was in his blind spot. He did not see me. But he could feel my wrath. He was afraid. I ate his fear and it nourished me so I let him live so he could feed me again.
Across the internet, men are terrified. If white men endowed with every privilege can be accused of sexual assault, then who’s to say you are not next? “Who is safe anymore?” they say. Who is safe? Not you. I want you afraid. All those years of fearing violence, particularly sexual violence, have given me a hunter’s instinct. I can spot a predator from very far away and I am coming for your fear.
Yes, you’re right. Being accused of sexual assault is, of course, just as bad as experiencing it. Worse, even! Yes. Be afraid. You are not safe. Not from me, certainly. I ate an ice chewer whole. What do you think I’ll do to you? I don’t care. I’m a dragon now. The thousands of years of women’s fear of men are stoking my craving for destruction, for the terror on the other foot.
I am all rage. All fire. All destruction. It did not have to be thus. But this week of patriarchal entitlement paroxysms and the reenactment of the trauma of innumerable women has made me a dragon. Now might be a good time to finally enact some of that gun legislation you’ve been so loathe to get going on — because my dragon self is keen on getting her hands on the tools of war, on the tools of men’s rage. If you do not fear me yet — perhaps you will fear your own death machines. The dragon will lap up the flop sweat and your terror.
But #NotAllMen, right? Wrong.
Yes. Yes. ALL MEN. Is that what you’re afraid of? That we mean all men when we talk about these things? That I mean all men now? Is that your big fear? Then, yes. ALL MEN. All of them. Especially if you are asking this dumb ass question. Then yes. I mean you. I am coming for you. Your fear of “all men” is especially tasty. Yes. ALL MEN, then.
Do you want to be saved from my path of destruction through ALL MEN? Do you want to be an exception? Try smiling more.
I will be inclined to exempt those that love me and be merciful to those that please me. Try laughing at my jokes. All of them. I am hilarious. I am a genius. Don’t you think so? Oh, women aren’t funny? That’s funny. And now you’re my lunch.
I will pardon those who understand. Try listening. Those who have heard me — even before I was a dragon will escape my wrath. They will be treasured in my castle along with the rest of my dragon horde.
My fury has become indiscriminate but I can be placated. I can be soothed. But I cannot be reasoned with. Explaining why I should not turn you to dust will not save you.
If you need some survival tools for adapting to a world full of indiscriminate rage, ask your grandmother. Or any woman who has soothed angry men around her all her life. I think those same tricks might work on me. Maybe. That doesn’t mean you should not be afraid. My fire is sudden. It is fierce. And I do not look like a dragon. I look like a nice friendly lady who won’t cause any trouble.
But I will. Oh, I will. You should be afraid of every single one of us now. We are coming for you. And your fear is delicious.
This blog is also a podcast. You can find it on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you’d like to listen to me read this on Anchor, click here.
Every podcast features a song at the end. Some of those songs are now an album of Resistance Songs, an album of Love Songs, an album of Gen X Songs and More. You can find them on Spotify, my website, ReverbNation, Deezer and iTunes
*
Even dragons need support.
Become my patron on Patreon.
Click HERE to Check out my Patreon Page
*
Writing on the internet is a little bit like busking on the street. This is the part where I pass the hat. If you liked the blog (but aren’t into the commitment of Patreon) and would like to give a dollar (or more!) put it in the PayPal digital hat. https://www.paypal.me/strugglingartist
1 Comment so far
Leave a comment
Originally published at artiststruggle.wordpress.com on September 29, 2018.
