Charting the Journey of a Creative Ship

Charting the Journey of a Creative Ship

January 24, 2020, 12:18 am
Filed under: art, Creative Process, theatre, writing | Tags: Creative Process, flow, garbage draft, play, podcast, writing

Even as I wrote the piece that shortly follows, I knew it was going to be true only for the moment. I knew that whatever happened before, I would feel differently after. I just didn’t know how. I wrote this about a month ago before a reading of my work and you can be in the future with me and know that it went as well as it could go. I saw very clearly what needed to change, as well as what format it should probably take and this story has a happy ending. But I thought it would still be worth sharing for those of you who might be standing at that precipice I was standing on when I wrote this.

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Tomorrow I will hear actors read the piece I’ve spent the better part of this year working on. I’m weirdly nervous. I’m not worried about what the people there will think or what they might say. I’m worried that I might discover that it’s not what I think it is — that it’s terrible.

As I wrote it, I never thought it was terrible. I was excited about it, actually. I never tell people about what I’m writing but this one, I blabbed about to several people. It evolved from what I thought was a short story into a novella or maybe a play. I’ve been with it all the way and never questioned it. It’s flowed the whole time. The other piece I’m writing right now is a different feeling entirely. I sweat every scene. After I finish one I think, “Wow. This is terrible. This play is garbage.” I write through that feeling because I’m convinced enough by the idea to suffer through some garbage drafts. I hope that by writing some garbage, I will find some jewels. There is no one way to be in a creative boat, trying to get somewhere and I suppose there has to be a “It might be terrible” moment, no matter how well the piece has gone from the top.

Coupled with the fear that my work will be terrible is an excitement around it. Being engaged in a creative process is the best feeling on earth, as far as I’m concerned and that good feeling also includes the terror that it will be terrible. The best part is when it’s really cooking and you’re in the middle of something exciting, when the piece is full of possibilities.

There’s a real possibility that this new thing the actors are reading tomorrow won’t translate — that what I imagined I created isn’t what’s on the page. In forms I’m more comfortable and familiar with, I have a clearer idea of how a thing will go down. I am more or less able to predict how the comedies I write will go down. This new thing is a new form for me — so I don’t know for sure. I think it’s gonna be good but it’s possible I’m wrong. Standing on that line in the middle of wondering is part of the joy of creating as well as the terror. Where’s it going to fall?

And how much work will it need to salvage it? Will it be a total overhaul or a little fix up? Or will it be unsalvageable? This is unlikely — though certainly a possibility. But even if it is unsalvageable — it will have been worth it. The pleasure and excitement I felt while making it were more than I’ve felt in a while and for that alone, it will have been worth it.

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Originally published at http://artiststruggle.wordpress.com on January 24, 2020.